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Sunday, May 20, 2012

Lessons From a Broken Foot: Lesson Two

Lesson Two: Pity & Desperation

Pity. I've thrown a few of these parties in the past few weeks. And I invited complaining and depression to join me. I have cried, whined and pouted. I started out saying things like, "Why did this happen?" and "What am I going to do?"...then at some point I decided to resurrect my theater days and turned to dramatics like, "Will I ever walk again?" and "I can't do anything!".

I quickly feel the Holy Spirit check me when these attitudes arise, reminding me that it could be so much worse. That I am blessed. That I am alive, my family is well, and God is my Father. After the initial disbelief and shock of my situation wore off, I began to accept my fate for this period of time...but I still have moments when pity creeps in...

All three of my children were napping, Evelyn and Beckett in their rooms, and Annabel in her glider in the living room. I was on the loveseat with my feat propped up on pillows. Ben had left to run some errands while the kids were sleeping. He had set me up with the remotes, computer, my cell phone and some water...but there was one thing we forgot - Annabel was across the room from me.

I heard her begin to stir and immediately realized my predicament. I called Ben, but he was already about 15 minutes away, so he decided to call my dad, since he was only about 5 minutes away. Within a couple of minutes Annabel was full blown crying. I started to panic...how could I get to her? I looked at the wheelchair a few feet away and determined to reach it. It took quite a bit of stretching but I grabbed and pulled it to myself. Here was the next hurdle...getting up off of the loveseat by myself. I tried and tried, but my sprained ankle just wasn't strong enough to do it. By now Annabel was hysterical and I was too. I was crying and freaking out...I had to get to my child. She was alone and needed me and didn't understand why no one was coming to her rescue.

I thought my dad should be arriving soon, but when Annabel began gagging, I had to move! A lightbulb went off and I knew that no matter how desperate or degrading it might seem, it was my best chance of getting to my sweet girl. And so...I got onto my hands and knees...and I crawled to my baby (keeping my broken foot elevated - quite a workout!).

I reached her, and I pulled her up to my chest, crying and trying to calm and soothe her. "It's okay, baby, mommy's got you now. Mommy's here." I knew there was still a challenge that lay ahead, because she needed to nurse, and if I sat on the floor - with my broken foot and sprained ankle - I may never get back up. The couch was only a few feet away. So I crawled just on my knees, while I carried her to the couch, in agony as I dragged my broken foot. I reached the couch, but realized I didn't know how I would get onto it. I laid Annabel on the couch, placed my knee up on the cushion, grabbed ahold of the back of the couch and pulled myself up onto it (another good workout!). 

Finally, I had made it! I picked Annabel up, and began to nurse her. She felt comforted. We both relaxed immediately. (My dad walked in a few minutes later, he had gotten stuck in traffic.) I could have felt sorry for myself. I could have been frustrated with the situation. But, I realized that it didn't matter. My child needed me, and I had gotten to her - in spite of my circumstances. I love her more than I pity myself. 

You see no matter how difficult or impossible it seemed, there was no other way - I had to reach my child. I was desperate to get to her. God is just as desperate to reach us when we are in need. He sent His son - when it seemed impossible, He made a way to reach us. And Jesus didn't feel sorry for himself...He loves us so much that He was willing to go to extremes to reach us. 

Wherever you are - whatever circumstances you are in...God wants to reach you. If you feel alone, and need to be rescued - He will come to you - to the depths of your sorrow, worry, anger, hurt...and He will pick you up. "It's okay, my child, Daddy's got you now. Daddy's here." And He will carry you away, and give you the comfort you need. You can lay your head on His chest, and rest in Him. 

. . . you will be nursed, you will be carried on the hip and fondled on the knees. As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you . . .” – Isaiah 66:12-13

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