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Monday, September 23, 2013

Surviving a Marriage "Funk"

God has laid on my heart recently to write a post about marriage {again}. Let me first state that my marriage is not perfect. In fact, my husband and I just recently walked through a rough moment in our marriage. For over eight years now, our marriage has been wonderful - sure we had our ups and downs, but nothing too serious. This rough patch was a new experience. The enemy was attacking our marriage. The problem was...there was no "BIG" problem - we just could not seem to get through a day (or even a conversation!) without it turning into an argument or one of us going on the defensive. Life was stressful - searching for jobs, low finances, children's behavior issues - we were facing a lot. I call this a marriage "funk". 

After a week of funk, I knew that something needed to change. I recognized that we were not battling against flesh and blood, but against a supernatural force that wanted to destroy our marriage and family in any way possible. I spent an entire evening in my house reading God's word, worshiping my King, and on my knees crying out to Abba Father. It may not seem that serious - but I knew that the mundane can quickly become catastrophic if left to it's own devices. I can honestly say that after some commitment and diligence - things turned around - within a few days, we were back to "us". I am going to share with you a few keys to surviving a marriage "funk" and coming out of it even more blessed than before!

1. Call the "funk" out! Recognize it for what it is. Don't give it more credit than it deserves. You are not "drifting apart" or "falling out of love", you are going through a "funk" - which most likely means you are allowing your flesh to rule instead of letting Jesus rule your marriage. And so, this also might mean calling yourself out. I had to admit that I was the problem - you know the old saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". Well, there is some serious truth to that. We women have the ability to bring forth life or death with a simple glance or passing remark. I knew that I was guilty of stirring things up - and I honestly had no idea why I was even doing it! I would think - Emily, don't say that! - and yet it would still leave my lips! I needed to lay my "self" down - and admit that my sin nature was the problem...

2. Lay the "funk" down. Seriously, let go of every last smelly piece of that funk by laying it at the foot of the cross. Get on your knees in the middle of your living room and pray for peace in your home. Claim life and love for your marriage. Pray for a kind and gracious spirit. Read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 over and over, so that you may radiate that kind of love. Remind yourself that, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate" (Mark 10:9) - that includes yourself! I promise you that as you seek God's word and allow yourself to be led by the Spirit - you will begin to see a change in yourself and most likely from your spouse as well. 

3. Seek Godly wisdom & support. Share with a friend/mentor/pastor that your marriage is under attack and you need prayer. This person must be someone that you can trust whole-heatedly and is in a relationship with Jesus. They will probably be someone who has walked through their own "funk" in their life. They will never ask for the juicy details or share with anyone else - they will simply come along side of you in prayer for your marriage. I have just such a friend - a dear friend - whom I asked to pray for our marriage. She spoke life-giving encouragement to my heart and communed with the father on our behalf. This can be such a blessing, but you must always use caution and wisdom when it comes to who you share your "funk" with. 

4. Swallow your pride & serve. There is no greater way to extinguish a "funky" situation than with a servant's heart. It requires commitment and letting go of your pride - letting go of your need to be right or to have the final word. Wake up in the morning and think, "how can I serve my husband today?". This is not about you getting recognition or trying to win - this is about doing whatever it takes to have a joyous and blessed marriage. On that note, be sure to have a joyful spirit as you serve. There are few people that can resist the selfless love and grace that comes from serving another unconditionally. "Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:2-3

5. Communicate. Talk to your husband about the "funk" - in a moment when you are NOT frustrated with one another. Tell him that you recognize it and that you want to work together to get out of the funk. Share honestly about your concerns, fears, needs, etc. Listen openly to whatever he shares with you, and be willing to work on problem areas that are brought to light. Talk about your life and your love. Reminisce about your love story or favorite memories. Joke around, go on a date, make love - go about your life as if you were not in a "funk". The enemy cannot continue to push in a wedge where the crack has been glued back together. It may not be a perfect fix, but it will keep you from breaking apart. 

If you are walking through a rough patch or a "funk", I encourage you to seek Christ first and foremost. Not everything will work for every marriage, but if you are struggling - it can't hurt to try. I pray wonderful blessings over your marriage! I am so thankful for my husband's grace and patience with me and my Heavenly Daddy's faithfulness to bless my marriage.

{My husband and I on a date a few months ago}

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8


  1. I Looooove this post. And it is so true! We've been married 8 years and have been so blessed. But every once in a blue moon a funk happens and this is exactly the process I find myself needing to go through. You explained it so well! Definitely will be sharing. Thanks!

  2. Love this post Emily! I don't know anyone who is married who hasn't had a "funk". Way to call it as you see it, and great advice!

  3. I must say that after 20 great and exciting years of marriage we've had our battles. They make us stronger, strengthen our relationship and prove time and time again that we are individuals with our own needs and identities. But in the end, my husband is my family, and I am his. We respect that and remember to treat each other in that way. Also, we've always been the type to be verbal about what's bugging us. And honest about it. That way we can address the issue together. Yeah, we argue, but neither one of us are grudge holders which helps us get past the anger of not always having our way. In the end, we are truly best friends, like we started out, and will remain.


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